![]() ![]() Decisions and Management of Editorial Conflicts of Interest.Personal Communications and Unpublished Data.Ethical Approval of Studies and Informed Consent.Reporting Demographic Information for Study Participants.Data Access, Responsibility, and Analysis.Funding/Support and Role of Funder/Sponsor.Conflicts of Interest and Financial Disclosures.Research Article Public Access, Depositing in Repositories, and Discoverability.Previous or Planned Meeting Presentation or Release of Information.Previous Publication, Related Manuscripts and Reports, and Preprints.About Previous Release of Information, Embargo, and Access.Authorship Form and Publishing Agreement.Statistical Methods and Data Presentation.Gene Names, Symbols, and Accession Numbers.Names of Drugs, Devices, and Other Products.Copies of Previous Editorial and Reviewer Comments.Manuscript Preparation and Submission Requirements.Systematic Review (without meta-analysis).We couldn't or wouldn't have done it without your input. To repay you, we would be happy to review some manuscripts for you please send us the next manuscript that any of these reviewers submits to your journal.Īssuming you accept this paper, we would also like to add a footnote acknowledging your help with this manuscript and to point out that we liked the paper much better the way we originally wrote it, but you held the editorial shotgun to our heads and forced us chop, reshuffle, restate, hedge expand, shorten, and in general covert a meaty paper into stir-fried vegetables. If you do accept it, however, we wish to thank you for your patience and wisdom throughout this process and to express our appreciation of your scholarly insights. May whatever heritage you come from be the butt of the next round of ethnic jokes. If not, then you are an unscrupulous, depraved monster with no shred of human decency. We hope that you will be pleased with this revision and will finally recognize how urgently deserving of publication this work is. To handle this, we have modified the Introduction and added, after the review of relevant literature, a subsection entitled "Review of Irrelevant Literature" that discusses these articles and also duly addresses some of the more asinine suggestions in the other reviews. The only common thread was that all 16 were by the same author, presumably someone whom Reviewer B greatly admires and feels should be more widely cited. Indeed, one was an essay on the Spanish-American War from a high school literary magazine. These were on a variety of different topics, none of which had any relevance to our work that we could see. As you may recall (that is, if you even bother reading the reviews before doing your decision letter), that reviewer listed 16 works that he/she felt we should cite in this paper. One perplexing problem was dealing with suggestions # 13-28 by Reviewer B. We agree with you that the paper is much better this way. Thus, you suggested that we shorten the manuscript by 5 pages, and we were able to accomplish this very effectively by altering the margins and printing the paper in a different font with a smaller typeface. Other suggestions were implemented, however, and the paper has improved and benefited. For example, if (as reviewer C suggested) several of my recent ancestors were indeed drawn from other species, it is too late to change that. Some of the reviewers' comments we couldn't do anything about. Indeed, we have mailed letter bombs to four or five people we suspected of being reviewer C, so if you send the manuscript back to them the review process could be unduly delayed. Still, from this batch of reviewers, C was clearly the most hostile, and we request that you not ask him or her to review this revision. ![]() We do understand that, in view of the misanthropic psychopaths you have on your editorial board, you need to keep sending them papers, for if they weren't reviewing manuscripts they'd probably be out mugging old ladies or clubbing baby seals to death. After all, its fairly clear that your reviewers are less interested in details of scientific procedure than in working out their personality problems and sexual frustrations by seeking some kind of demented glee in the sadistic and arbitrary exercise of tyrannical power over hapless authors like ourselves who happen to fall into their clutches. I shall skip the usual point-by-point description of every single change we made in response to the critiques. We even changed the goddamn running head! Hopefully we have suffered enough by now to satisfy even you and your bloodthirsty reviewers. We have again rewritten the entire manuscript from start to finish. Enclosed is our latest version of MS# XX-XXX-XX-, that is, the re-re-re-revised revision of our paper. ![]()
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